A dash, a kiss and a hiss: Aap Ki Khatir

Aap Ki Khatir

aap ki khatir

2* / 5*

Cast: Akshaye Khanna, Priyanka Chopra, Amisha Patel, Suniel Shetty, Dino Morea, Anupam Kher and Lilette Dubey.

Director: Dharmesh Darshan

A dash of Dilwale Dulhaiya Le Jayenge, a kiss of Kal Ho Na Ho, a hiss of Gol Maal, Gujju-Panju families, a Lallu-Panju script and you have Aap Ki Khatir. Hindi cinema screenwriters do not think that it is a fallacy that women are very dumb. They assume that they are. So even if Anu (Priyanka Chopra) hires a professional escort from Lokhandwala (Akshaye Khana) and takes him to London to try and make her ex-boyfriend Danny Grover (Dino Morea with a villainous name crossing Danny Dengzongpa with Gulshan Grover) jealous and come backto her, she has to behave dumb for the rest of the movie.

Dumbelina is there to attend the marriage of her step sister Shirani (Amisha Patel) with a Gujarati boy Kunal (Suneil Shetty). Danny turnsout to be Kunal’s best friend and attends the marriage as well. He also turns out to be something more… Anupam Kher plays Anu’s Punjabi father with a pungent humour and Lillette Dubey her ‘sexy’ mother.

All of them know a deep secret about Danny… which Shirani’s eyes couldn’t see. Maybe the additional mascara put in to enhance Patel’s fluttering eyelashes clouded her vision. Gujju and Panju idioms and slangs are thrown in for good measure to create deliberate humour. Kamini Khanna who plays Suneil’s mother should take care not to be too loud in all her films.

Even in last week’s slow film Ahista Ahista she was on fast forward mode. What won’t be a secret are the traditional Bollywood endings… all of which cannot be disclosed in the review. You will have to bear all of it in the film, if you decide to watch it. Priyanka Chopra needs a good director to get the best out of her as the girl has potential, but is made to look dumb.

Amisha Patel doesn’t have to work hard to look dumb, Suneil Shetty gets a good role after long, Dino Morea’s role has been chopped and Akshaye Khanna walks away with all the credit. Director Dharmesh Darshan gives only a small Darshan of his vast abilities as well. He is the same man who has made Raja Hindustani and Dhadkan.

A lot of mascara from Amisha’s eyes, mascari in Anupam Kher’s pockets where vibrators galore, the famous twang from Himesh’s nose forces songs into the movie just when it begins to move a tear in youreye, is a film made for you – or rather Aap Ki Khatir.