We Indians love ourselves some Bollywood, don’t we? And while we’re at it, we all know that there is nothing we love more than a nice Hollywood film. In such a scenario, imagine how happy it should make us if these two seemingly opposite world collide to produce a beautiful mixture of glamour and entertainment.
Well, sometimes when these two world collide, we get epic performances like ‘Quantico’, ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ and ‘The Namesake’. However, some other times this collaboration boils down to a horrible little mish-mash of disaster that we all wish we could forget. Here are some times when Bollywood and Hollywood came together to create what they assumed would be a life-changing piece of art, but what turned out to be horrible torture for viewers.
1) Chiggy Wiggy – The film ‘Blue’ which came out in 2009 was probably one of the most expensive movies of the year but also one of the worst flops. The film was surrounded by a lot of hype for its cast that included Lara Dutta, Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt and unfortunately, the expression-less Zayed Khan. However, what became the most talked about point of the movie was a cameo by the sultry songstress Kylie Minogue. Sadly for everybody involved (including viewers), the movie was a disaster of epic proportions. Turns out, just a pretty face and a few beautiful locations are not enough to make a movie successful.
2) Out Of Control – The early 2000s were a very unusually magical time. People made horrible movies that did pretty well at the box office and got away with it! One such movie which had seemingly no logic to it was the Riteish Deshmukh starrer ‘Out Of Control’. With the annoying Hrishitaa Bhatt in the background, you’d think that it wouldn’t get any worse. Well, they managed to pull the gorgeous ‘Starsky and Hutch’ actress Brande Roderick to play Deshmukh’s second love interest in the film and the whole thing is so badly directed and acted in that we’re glad to have put it in the past where it belongs with our old faded jeans.
3) Kambakth Ishk – Sajid Nadiadwala probably hates ‘Kambakht Ishk’ as much as audiences of 2009 did. Well, what started as a promising film that boasted of meaty Hollywood names like Sylvester Stallone, Denise Richards and ‘Superman’ Brandon Routh quickly turned into a hollow and entertainment-less shell of a film that could have been very tasteful and glamorous. What we ended up with was a very preachy film that tried too hard to justify the presence of the over-paid and under-performing Hollywood stalwarts.
4) Hisssss (sss?) – Nobody knows how much the name of the film was extended (for poetic effect?). Nobody knows why the film was made. Nobody even remotely remembers this monstrosity that passes for a film. Well, that is exactly why this disaster flick starring Mallika Sherawat and regrettably the talented Irrfan Khan is something we’d like to forget. This film is the perfect example of what happens to people who don’t have any conceivable talent, yet are expected to give a stellar performance.5) Mission Impossible 4 – Anil Kapoor is a phenomenal actor and one who is almost the perfect option to represent Bollywood on a global scale. So then imagine our disappointment when ‘Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol’ came out and Kapoor was reduced to nothing more than an annoying, stereotyped sleaze who couldn’t keep it in his pants inspite of having zero sex appeal. Hey guys, how about not acting in Hollywood film just because you’re desperate to show how ‘globally versatile’ you are?
6) Rock Dancer – Yes, ‘Rock Dancer’ is the name of a film by Bappi Lahiri. No, it is not a parody or spoof. This 1995 movie is going to make you cringe so hard thought that you’ll hope and pray that it was a parody. The British pin-up girl Samantha Fox was seen shaking a leg with Govinda in a song called ‘Traffic Jam’ for the film and we really wish we were kidding right now. Check the video out for yourself!
7) Teen Patti – When you’re an Oscar winning actor, it is assumed that you have a good eye for judging movies you choose to be a part of. That is why when ‘Gandhi’ actor Sir Ben Kingsley agreed to be a part of the disastrous ‘Teen Patti’ we are sure he was cursing himself and his Indian roots. While his performance could not be held in contempt, the supporting cast, story and even direction is a total miss.
8) Mangal Pandey – The Aamir Khan starrer was doomed from the start or so it seems. However, in the swap that this movie otherwise was, ‘Die Another Day’ actor Toby Stephens was actually a sight for sore eyes. His performances lacked absolutely nothing and make the movie just a little bit bearable. However, the fact that he was paired opposite the very whiny Ameesha Patel makes us want to disappear from the face of the earth right now.
Turns out, to make a film that tickles both ‘Bollywood’ and ‘Hollywood’ sweet spots among audiences requires you to do a lot more than just hire a pretty actor. Have we missed out on any disaster fusions?