‘Besharam’s title track is bawdy as only an Ishq Bector raps ‘jab hilaaon apni taang, hiley saari duniya,’ to which Ranbir Kapoor breaks a leg, Shree D croons and Lalit Pandit adds desi thumka beats. How many besharams does it take to screw in a disco bulb? Just one – Ranbir’s pelvic thrust. The rest follow in his footsteps. The song is definitely going to charge up the light brigade.

Tere Mohalle has Mamta Sharma and Aishwarya Nigam trying to rake dirt in this boisterous number. Loud passes as mohalla music. Love Ki Ghanti is so Kishore Kumar, why didn’t they take Sudesh Bhonsle or Amit Kumar to sing it? Sujeet Shetty cannot pull it off the way master imitators can.

Abhijeet and Shreya sing Dil Ka Jo Haal Hai, and the way it begins, filched, or if Lalit wants us to return to Jo Haal Dil Ka (Sarfarosh) its just as mediocre – that embarrassing nineties music arrangement of drums and cymbals. Dear Lalit Pandit, are you stuck in a time warp? Putting Abhijeet Bhattacharya and Shreya Ghoshal in that Kumar Sanu – Alka Yagnik ‘hey hey – la la la’ space is in musical parlance, retrogressive.

Shreya Ghoshal, and Sonu Nigam appear on Tu Hai, lyrics awfully meandering around ‘mahi ve’ if that is how one were to give soul to singing, well, almost there. One for the brothers, Mika sings Aa Re Aa with Shreya and Daler Mehndi sings Chal Hand Uthake with Sunidhi Chauhan. Of the two ‘item’ numbers, what’s staying with us is their eminent meteoric flash and instant death. A huge sigh of relief.

How many besharams does it take to save the music from drowning the film? The messiah should know more than to thrust his pelvis.